P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
