There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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