We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
