wrigley field is MILF paradise
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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