Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
We're too hungover to prance.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
