Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
