You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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