Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
