dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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