Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
