youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
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