This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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