Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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