I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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