How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize