I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You were trust falling into bushes
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
