What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
