Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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