guys are only as good as the porn they watch
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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