you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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