i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize