Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
