Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize