Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize