I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
