2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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