In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Randomize
