Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
