If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
