i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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