he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
