We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
