i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
