The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
