That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
