Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
You are the jesus of drinking
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
