i wish starbucks made bloody marys
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
