Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
