I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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