Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
