Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
