I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Randomize