can u get pink eye on your cock?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
