i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
