and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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