There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
