I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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