Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
