remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
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