i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
