She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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