put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize