Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
