when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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