Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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