areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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