i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
