I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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