Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
