I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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