I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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