I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
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