i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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