My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Randomize
